What can I write, what can I say.
I am deeply moved. I am overwhelmed with emotions. It sometimes threatens to enclose me completely. I will get beyond it all but I do not want it to for it can make me a better human. I also fear, that I am not be able to move past it because it did happen.
Many thanks to Circle K and GiggleCam for their untiring efforts at reporting the events as they have unfolded on Live Journal.
I recall when I picked up my daughter from after school care on Tuesday. I asked her what did she know about what has happened. She knew that planes had crashed into buildings. She said without hesitation, "Was it the building mommy works in?" (She knows mommy works in a tall building.) I am thinking so many things that I wanted to say but I knew I had to quickly reassure her, "No honey, it happened in New York City not Houston." "Oh, yeah, I forgot." I know I never will. Then she begins to ask many questions as we load into our minivan and she hits upon a key point. "...and they did it on purpose." Yes, they did.
Then the question that I know I will never be able to communicate a response to her the true depth which even escapes me - "Why?"
The response was something along the lines that they were "bad guys who wanted to hurt and scare people" - she just started first grade a few weeks ago and is so much more intelligent than I ever was at that age - she deserved a response that was at her level - I had to fight to keep my initial urge to protect her, to tell her it could never happen here - it could - I am a daddy, it is in my job description. We talked some more. I wanted her to know that people died and many people are hurt and sad. She took it in and we talked and then she acted like my little girl the rest of the night - taking a bath, watching Powerpuff Girls.
We said a long prayer when I put her down that evening - I could tell that she knew I was still very sad.
Over the last few days I look at my wife, my daughter, and my 10 month old son for the resolve to do better, to make it all right again, to help others to see things from a different side - all men are created equal...
My resolve is as strong and I want justice. However, I have an overwhelming sense of compassion. We can work to correct mistakes of the past, but we cannot bring back innocent lives lost.
My prayer is for peace.
I wonder what happens next. I wonder what I tell my son as he grows up of the events of the last few days. I was 2 weeks old when JFK was shot and his words and actions have inspired me at times in my life. How could this tragic event inspire anyone?
My prayer is for peace.